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Sunday, October 16, 2005

BLACK: The end 

Alright folks. It's been rather slow and painful but Dolly Mixture definitely seems like it's headed towards some sort of sad demise. In between chasing boys and amassing enough freelance work to last her the rest of the decade, Dolly has no time left for writing and she thought it was high time she tipped her fancy beret to her most loyal (and dwindling) fans and readers and said goodbye.

It's been fun and thanks for reading, those of you who've stayed on from the beginning. Dolly'll miss you all. She might reinvent herself somewhere else on some other blog if she can be bothered. Catch her if you can; if not, send her flowers and long emails telling her how much you miss her.
Love,
D x x x
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Sunday, October 09, 2005

RED: Horny! 

There are JUST TOO MANY hot boys everywhere and a Dolly wants to jump all their bones. JUST so many fantasies to fill the time - how's a girl ever going to get anything else done!?
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Thursday, September 15, 2005

BLUE: So many beautiful boys 

Truly. They've sprung up out of some void and Dolly is getting most amourous, excitable and very horny, of course. Hot boys are just everywhere - either Dolly's never noticed them before, or she's suddenly developed incredibly bad taste in boys.

It's not the latter, she can assure you.

So: beautiful hot boys at the gym, at the shops, in carparks, across cashier tills, at Starbucks, in Dolly's parents' house (!) - the last one because her mother counselling a most exquisite boy and he's oft found lurking about the living room whenever Dolly pops back home. You know, even the boys she's known for a while have suddenly taken on some sort of beautiful new charm.

And they're not just beautiful mind. They's also incredibly charming. They throw marvellously bright smiles. They speak well, or if they speak badly, they make up for it with sharp wit. They write poetry. They flirt with enough energy to run a mill. They're full of proper joyous laughs. They make you laugh. They're well dressed and wear matching coordinates. They tease. They cajole. They wave and grin like they want you to look at them. They pay you flattering complements that you almost believe. They blush when you speak to them. They look at you when you're talking like they actually care, even if you're not talking to them. They stop their conversations midway to give you their attention.

Yes! Attentive, witty, funny, charming, intelligent, beautiful boys!

All these splendid testosterone-fuelled bodies around her, have of course made Dolly feel most itchy, horny and suddenly desirous and desiring. All day long, as she ploughs painfully through overdue articles and old newspaper clippings for research, she entertains grand visions of sex standing up, sitting down, lying down, against a table, against the gym mirrors, bent forwards, bent backwards, legs up, legs down, giving head, getting head, threesomes/foursomes/ fivesomes full of amourous men and sweaty biceps.

Of course, all this temptation arises only when you've made that rather committed decision to be a faithful little monogamous girl. Surely, if Dolly were single right now, Sod's law would dictate that all those boys would suddenly disappear back into their holes again.
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005

PINK: Slip 

As shew as rummaging around for a nightie the other night, Dolly rediscovered a little pink slip she bought a few months back. It's slinky, satiny and falls just below the waist, enough to show your knickers.

Once, when the boy was in town, she decided she'd wear that to bed, with the matching pink panties. She very desirable indeed and was all ready to turn on the seductress charm.

As she walked into the room, a foot poised slyly outwards ready to shimmy forward, the boy broke out in a huge happy grin and said, "Oh! You look like a giant peach! How lovely!" And he wasn't even trying to be rude.

Well, Dolly still got to have sex that night anyway so it can't have been that bad. Gives a whole new meaning to juicy fruit.
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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

BROWN: Propositions 

So Dolly's got this column going and apparently, according to her editor, she's being too intellectual and the columns don't have enough oomph. Dolly and the other writer of the column, Trisha, are beginning to think that the rest of the nation think that too.

Their inaugural entry was hashed up in five minutes in between drinking tea, gossip and playing with jewellery. They received lots of fan mail - from men, from women, from happy Malaysian readers who applauded them for doing a great job.

Subsequently, Trisha and Dolly each wrote entries that were slightly more intellectual. Then, the fan mail dwindled down. Instead, they got men writing to give them his phone number, men "wanting to get to know them better" and in one especially weird case, the offer of a "very big penis, 7+ inches, head also very big." (To which Trisha exclaimed, "But... 7 inches isn't even that big!")

So much for journalistic integrity.
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Sunday, September 04, 2005

RED: Stalkers 

Hello! *kiss* Dolly's returned after a stint away doing work. In a bid to whore herself out to all the fashion columns of the world, she took on a temp freelance job only to discover that it would take up more time than a full time career. And she's had to deal with the two most unfriendly people in KL, including a receptionist who refuses to smile and believes herself to be very important indeed. She greets all visitors through the door with pursed lips and a scowl, as if you'd just intruded upon her very busy work schedule of sorting out faxes. Dolly made it her mission to make her smile, and she did eventually, even if it was horribly forced. Anyway, Dolly's met her deadline and now she's got her life back again.

Lesson learnt: money isn't everything. Sometimes temporary unemployment beats having to be courteous to miserable office clerks with a complex.

More interestingly, Dolly and her adorable friend Little Diva have discovered new fun pursuits at the gym. You see, of late they have become frightfully obsessed with working out. It's almost like those sick pacts that teenage girls make to become anorexic together. Also, Dolly seems to have developed a bit of a monster infatuation with a gym instructor, H. Yesterday, Dolly, Little Diva and two other girls in their class spent the whole hour giggling like little girls whenever his back was turned to them. The school playground all over again.

After class, Little Diva in her hugely loud flirty way decided to find out if H had a girlfriend.

"So. Tonight got plans with your girlfriend or not?" (subtle, but also hilariously not!)

"No lah! I don't have a girlfriend."

Little Diva looked suitably horrified, which she does so wonderfully. "HAH!? Awwwwwww. We must hook you up with someone!"

"No lah, no lah! Dun wan!" protested H and then ran off to the locker room.

"No! Must! Must hook you up." She had to have the last word.

After that, Little Diva and Dolly trotted off to the carpark and Dolly decided to sit in LD's car for a while to chat (they hadn't met up in ages). Because she's lazy like that, Dolly got LD to drive down to the next level to her car. While they were still sitting there, parked in LD's car discussing the catastrophes and miracles of their lives, who should they see but H walking towards his car. They freaked out, in the way only stupid hysterical girls do, utterly paranoid that he would think they were waiting for him.

Dolly shrieked at LD to "JUST DRIVE, QUICK" so she sped off down to the next level. Unfortunately for them, the carpark is split level, so H could see this crazy silver car swerving away down the carpark. Then just to make it worse for themselves, Dolly and LD strained out the side of the car window to look up at H, just to check if it really was him, only to find him stooping down to peer at them through a gap in the wall.

And this was an empty carpark they were careening around, so actually the decision to "just drive, quick" served only to make them look even more like fools than they already were. Remember that this is all after LD had propositioned H like a hyperactive child with ADD outside the locker rooms.

They spent the next five minutes driving round and round before hiding out in the bottom most basement level and screeching through giggles at each other. Dolly hadn't had that much fun since she was doing her IB, aged 17. Funny how quickly you forget the things you resort to doing for the sake of a silly crush.

Well, keeps you young. And a nice reminder for Dolly that, if nothing else, she's living it far more than that stroppy receptionist with the pursed lips.
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Monday, August 22, 2005

WHITE: A strange vacuum 

Well, the darndest thing happened. The people paying our wages over at work decided they would withdraw funds so we're not being paid anymore. That doesn't mean a lot in terms of work - it just means Dolly can now legitimately do nothing without feeling guilty. It does, however, mean quite a lot in terms of the sudden pay cut she's suffering.

Fortunately, as luck will have it, lots of other jobs have popped up along the way that pay well and give her the excuse to eat, watch movies and shop for a living (literally!). It may not say much for the credibility of her career, but then, quite the same could be said of dubious, though very rich businessmen everywhere!

[Coincidentally, Dolly's been reading Belle de Jour's book which is leading her to believe that life as a high class call girl may just be the next best alternative to writing trashy fashion columns. Then again, she couldn't bear the thought of having sex with something old, grey, smelly and/or fat. She's also a terrible liar - it would be difficult to feign interest and the likes. Hats off to those who can - they must be given more credit than they get. Evidently, this may be one instance where being a choosy perfectionist is not a desirable trait for employment.]

In the meantime, Dolly's biding her time by writing about make-up, Angelina Jolie's boobs and the dilemmas of dating, having long lunches, lying in 'til noon and reacquainting herself with the pleasures of a pink vibrator (all things, you must admit, that can't really be done on the time and money of a proper job).

This pay-cut: perhaps it's a blessing in disguise!

ps don't worry, will put a stop to writing about the dilemmas of work. Sorry it's been a bit of a dry patch of late. Blogger's block and the general staleness of life.
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